原文：
I don't want unfrequented feeling
At a society for judge people solely by their appearance, we everyday will fall among various each kind of brush-off:"I don't think to go to the movie with you together", "sorry, personnel already full", "you need not attend a meeting" etc..We constantly drive brush-off and brush-off other people, again constantly accept other people and drive expel the other people accept.This is ineluctable.We can't have good will to by themselves the surroundings all people.But sometimes, we fall among these brush-off usually too subjective, will feel the face sweep floor.
Clinical psychology house, psychoanalysis doctor William .the Suo be thin second point out:"When a person is from the other party body felling arrive, because a certain reason, oneself wasn't see by the other party as worthy of cherish or respect, will stir up in the heart drive unfrequented of feeling.Have a lot of under the circumstance cause extreme worry and distress of unfrequented feeling is hard to have reasonable explanation, is people according to oneself previous of experience to accept of the information carry on feeling and analysis empress get of negative evaluation." eople are sometimes frightened to encounter brush-off of mental state is very normal, but problem is therefore will cause with of the others of association creation obstacle, and usually result in to a person's behavior bearing very profound of influence.
Self-confidence heart immediately decrease
Child because of frightened encounter brush-off but creation quilt unfrequented of disposition to violence, and meeting than together age person more easy dispute suspicion with classmate in the school.Teenager meeting because of encounter brush-off behind of unfrequented but ego close, dare not to make friend.
Adult meeting at and others, for example with colleague association hour creation unfrequented feeling obstacle.This kind of obstacle in love hour is obvious:At the thought of oneself of the companion may abandon at any time oneself hour anxious and fearful, as a result continuously need to be love of certificate.If there is no this kind of certificate, perhaps the other party of performance not agree with to match oneself of expectation, the alert in the heart will pull ring.For example"my husband like to see football game excel a concern me", "my wife have never stay to accompany me but was a friendly friend to go to the movie!""Today be my birthday, he but the side rice have never asked me to eat" etc..A D of the other party point apathy may make its sense of pride be subjected to stroke.
The person's self-confidence heart would because come from society of various affirmation with accept but exaltation, for example"we drink cup coffee and do you go?"Would also because of a simple of"I want to postpone with you of this time appointment" but have be subjected to unfrequented of stroke.While therefore being our mood to suppress Yu, usually will this kind of felling cast shadow oneself body, self-confidence heart then would immediately decrease a lot of.The self-confidence heart is the alert system of our motion of one part, be we feeling arrival from society of drive unfrequented signal, this part system would active.The self-confidence heart is the name card that we face this, the ability display us what kind of the person be also us with others relation of barometer.In the meantime, the self-confidence heart be again like a scanner, everywhere track to come from surroundings of reject or drive unfrequented of clues.
To healthy body not beneficial
Research certificate, after encountering brush-off of unfrequented feeling to healthy body not beneficial.Brokenhearted with friendship break bring of drive unfrequented of pain and sufferings bear comparison with stretch into hot oil inside of felling.The United States University of California Los Angeles cent school of expert's group of a neurology recently research detection, person at encounter brush-off behind in the brain active quilt unfrequented of feeling district and body ache homology.Therefore, were refuse by the lover is people most strain of emotion experience of a.
However the human body have already resisted this kind of ache of method, the nervous system for car to etc. dangerous which be like us to face to speed since then would protection we, auto remind us retreat similar, after the situation refuse, brain would auto the establishment be a wall.Therefore, this person be always easy to use a negative ttitude explanation oneself the circumstance of the place, and in continuously look for the beneficial proof the certificate oneself of the guess enchant ego.William .the Suo be thin second point out:"This person will use a certain way subconscious ground a feeling brush-off and hold tight surroundings the person don't like their clueses, and with this confirmation oneself to oneself of viewpoint, think oneself in fact unqualified acquire this friendship, this lover perhaps this work."
But, deep be subjected to unfrequented feeling endanger still have many people.The Suo is thin second still point out:When accept minimum of brush-off signal, mental state alert will pull ring, urge us line to move, avoid with superior occurrence not quick or quarrel.However, though this defense system of existence is for the sake of improvement we with others of relation, for those height the person of the sensitive to say, this system would occurrence short circuit, make people long-term to have failure of unfrequented feeling and be placed in a kind of appearance of panic in, continuously experience emotion storm of molestation.
Be decided by education way
The United States regulate lover the television program of the antinomy commentary member, the mental illness expert's Lawrence .the Clark point out:"For suffer brush-off empress creation of unfrequented feeling of degree, with person birth empress several year neuter gender the mold of space be vitally related;Be decided by parents to treat the kid's way since the childhood first, and deliver the type of information and kid under the parents' influence to oneself of viewpoint.This is complete to come from subjective judgment, there is no reason, is a kid heart of a kind of feeling.For after the brush-off creation unfrequented of height sensitive, it only one the source be parents and kid of relation, be also person birth empress with nearby first come in contact with of the way to get along with people for become of the close relatives'.In other words, everybody at kid period position and feeling of the place arrive of is accept by the parents with affirmation of message, namely parents whether make it felling oneself is a good kid, good student, whether satisfy their expectation etc..Scathing and high request perhaps not that considerate parents, education come out of kid usually more easy to brush-off creation disgust of unfrequented feeling."
According to the viewpoint of Clark, "the kid's felling be complete to come from subjective judgment, probably only because of the parents have never accompanied them to do game feeling arrive unfrequented.Do the game is a kind of body for love now, because of parents in this process ability establishment kid of self-confidence.Contrary, if the parents can't participate to come in, the kid's self-confidence heart meeting day by day decrease, think this to be from thus parents of brush-off".Especially usually be subjected to parents unfrequented of kid after grow up, more easy subconscious ground go to the feeling companion, classmate or colleague of various disgust of unfrequented.
To brush-off very disgust of the person always cause extreme worry and distress a ground of worry in uncertainty in unfrequentedly layer after layer, these worry in uncertainty is childhood the parents bring them of the backlog in the feeling get up.Because frightened is been unfrequented, they usually think a square to try a ground of avoid this kind of circumstance of occurrence.The Clark think:"They would rightness nearby of person very attentive, obey and dependence, and think so the other people can't be unfrequented they."Have to lack safety feeling with easy doubt of people of personality, also would even make this person like to surroundings avoid of various each kind of put forward of person quilt unfrequented of problem.The Clark point out:"They whole day doubt companion whether derail, friend whether betrayal they perhaps superior whether just plan how sweep floor him to go out."End, these people would because of frightened feeling arrive brush-off, and therefore situation unfrequented of mind and body dangerous situation but avoid promise any commitment.
Motion's ising low to fall is an inducement
William .the Suo thin second analysis say:"Faultiness' hurting the person whom the social intercourse experience probably motion is probablylow to fall, feel oneself can't overcome the obstacle of this aspect, they will become helpless.This kind of felling accumulate over a long period will make the person demoralized but creation pain and sufferings of unfrequented feeling."Because the motion be low to fall of person would more sensitive, continuously for a long time hence the meeting formation be a kind of the personality which be called "not the typical model suppress a Yu disease", is a kind of the most familiar motion mess.The person of this kind of personality at be subjected to aggressive influence would temporarily improvement oneself once of appearance, but at any small of sensitive degree but Gao De2 Bing4 Duo of the negative information in front, the motion will fall valley bottom all of a sudden.
However in the psychology theories, the motion be low to fall with the feeling arrive unfrequented this both approach of successively but can hardly have a hard conclusion, because the motion be low to fall of person more easy drive brush-off, but situation brush-off of person again usually the motion be low to fall.This both interact as both cause and effect."My colleagues now calculate know my mood mess, would also because of tired I make longer of face, my outlaw motion, my multifarious bad mood and they to I each after comment on I be dashing but the tears of but no longer realize me", 31-year-old Sara .Bruce already under this kind of appearance keep on 36 month, "the owner all see me if have no Du, even superior all have already reminded me, the Yao adopt aggressive of attitude, Yao put a long leave for me".
Enjoy in retrospect an affair again and again innumerable time is rightness unfrequented height sensitive of one of the chief culprit.Sara recall to say:"I ever brain inside whole day be full of why superior morning have no with I say "hello", perhaps why that colleague see my look in the eyes so serious this problem, and start look for explanation.I tell oneself may is because of their work to me dissatisfied, may dismiss me perhaps I will hand over with them bad."When people more sink in these negative viewpoint for cause extreme worry and distress more deep, the hostility in the heart and worry anxiously will also immediately and more accumulate more many."Under this kind of motion I will avoid with other people exchanges, even spend more time on guess, hence more unfrequented hour guess more many, more guess hour creation of unfrequented the feeling more fear, more pain and sufferings ……"
Self-confidence heart repair therapy
The Suo is thin second point out:"The rightness of the person is unfrequented of fear always existence, only in the modern people of the life gradually obvious.Communication means the forerunner make us see nearby many model day by day and tell us should become why kind of person, personal of success or not become very importance, this usually make the person have a setback.But when people can't attain an expectation a target, will feel oneself fall to the ground, and wered treat coldly by the society."
Lucky of BE, rightness unfrequented of excessively sensitive is can drive cure.Have a kind of"self-confidence heart repair therapy" in aid of people understanding to arrive unfrequented their isn't other people, but themselves;Thus get away from in accept the ego of the repair fear of unfrequented feeling.
Following repair self-confidence the therapy of the heart, the aim is in cause extreme worry and distress of unfrequentedly the temperament accept ego, exaltation self-confidence heart, improvement you of mind and body life:
●List your personality in the aggressive spect, can betterly understanding oneself.
●To oneself of success give aggressive evaluation.
●Choice life in of some on the other hand, effort change.
●Establishment can completion of target.
●Don't quickly change life in of too various.
●Find out a model of accommodation, not 1 not the idol of reality take into study.
●Don't be deeply concerned at heart towards being past of failure and wrong judgment.
●Don't will go to consideration those occurrence afar but oneself again incapable is the affair of dint, because of guess useless.Unnecessary worry, burn daylight.
●You should from oneself of the point of departure start to do, effort of understanding with exertive oneself of potential.Neither blame everyone but oneself nor have improper thoughts, practically start to do from now, spare no effort with all strength exertive oneself of potential, work well oneself can make of affair.Should have so of conviction, I be myself.
●Think happy matter more.Everybody has an own happy matter, happy that the matter is you to make out successful matter, that be the outcome of your confidence, the outcome of strength.
●Smile the ability make person creation confidence and strength;Smile the ability make public feeling relaxed, put forth new energy;Smile the ability make the person forget to worry and get away from annoyance.There is no the person of confidence is to wear a woebeusually gone expression, in poor fettle, the look in the eyes be boring.
●Active with person association, you will feel the human life of warmth and genuine feeling, this kind of warmth and genuine feeling will make the person be full of strength, will make the person increase confidence.
The Clark point out:"These rapy would help these people gradual accept himself/herself, and will aggressive motion performance come out.This be called'self-confidence heart repair therapy'.Although parents at your childhood neglect you to make your mood upset, now grow up an adult of you should academic association much to oneself 1:00 love, will since the childhood imperfection of warmth, safety feeling all compensate give yourself."
The United States 《behavioral science 》2009 of monthly publication October number
Author:Chris Di Nuo .Jennifer |
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发表于 2009-11-14 15:29:52
