A fantasy 纯属虚构

屈联西

          When the Ambassador or Escalopia returned home for lunch, his wife got a shock. He looked pale and his clothes were in a frightful state.
             'What has happened?' she asked. 'How did your clothes get into such a mess?'
          'A fire extinguisher, my dear,' answered the Ambassador drily. 'University students set the Embassy on fire this morning.'
          'Good heavens!' exclaimed his wife. 'And where were you at the time?'
          'I was in my office as usual,' answered the Ambassador. 'The fire broke out in the basement. I went down immediately, of course, and that fool, Horst, aimed a fire extinguisher at me. He thought I was on fire. I must definitely get that fellow posted.'
          The Ambassador's wife went on asking questions, when she suddenly noticed a big hole in her husband's hat.
          'And how can you explain that?' she asked.
          'Oh, that,' said the Ambassador. 'Someone fired a shot through my office window. Accurate, don't you think? Fortunately, I wasn't wearing it at the time. If I had been, I would not have been able to get home for lunch.'
    当艾斯卡罗比亚国的大使回到家吃午饭时，把他的夫人吓了一跳。他面色苍白，衣服也搞得不成样子。
    “发生了什么事？”她问，“你的衣服怎么搞得一塌糊涂？”
    “灭火器弄的，亲爱的，”大使冷冷地回答，“今天上午大学生们放火点着了大使馆。”
    “天啊！”他的夫人惊叫，“那你当时在什么地方？”
    “我和往常一样，在办公室里，”大使回答说。“地下室突然着火，我当然马上下去了。但那个傻瓜霍斯特把灭火器对准了我。他认为是我着火了。我一定要把那个家伙打发走。”
    大使夫人继续提出问题，她突然又发现丈夫的帽子上有个洞。
    “那么你对那又作何解释呢？”她问。
    “那个嘛，”大使说，“有人向我办公室窗户开了一枪。真够准的，是不是？幸亏我当时没戴帽子。如果真戴着它，我现在就不能回家来吃午饭了。”

屈联西

幸亏我当时没戴帽子。如果真戴着它，我现在就不能回家来吃午饭了。”
Fortunately, I wasn't wearing it at the time. If I had been, I would not have been able to get home for lunch.
幸亏是虚构！